To Tash on your 32nd Birthday

Dear Tash,

Today you have reached 32 years. I remember all your dreams from when you were younger. You envisioned by this age you would be living in your own house, you would be a loving mom and wife. You even would have a holiday home overlooking the sea. Yes a holiday home… I know that in reality this isn’t the case as yet but there are things that you have achieved.

DT4

Perhaps it’s time to give yourself a little credit, for some of the things that you have done. With just a little bit of savings and nothing else but your suitcase you moved to a completely new country and have made it work for 5 years and counting. You earn a living and are able to put food on the table, have amazing experiences and travel. You completed your first ever marathon in beautiful Paris. You are working on your next one and still working towards the New York and London marathon

I know that you are plagued by self doubt on a daily basis, wondering if there is anything that you will ever be good at in life. Will you ever own your own home or get married. I know you don’t feel worthwhile at times as you don’t have a degree to your name or mortgage. You feel that you have nothing to show for your 32 years. There are frequent moments where you feel invisible and undeserving. The truth is you are worth something. I know you see people move forward in life and you wonder what is wrong with you. Just trust that you are on your own journey. You are not a failure at life that you sometimes feel like.

You have a family who you can laugh and share tears with. You love them with all your heart. You have friends who mean the world to you, who came into your life and to your surprise haven’t left it. I know sometimes with your naïveté you have taken people fully into your heart. Then they have just suddenly cut contact without any explanation and to this day you still don’t understand why. I know people’s attitudes can make you feel very sad at times but it still doesn’t stop you from being the giving and hopeful person you are. Never lose that positivity or let it squash your spirit. Other peoples opinions do not define who you are.

DT3 C

I know if you buy yourself something you really want or you think about booking that dream holiday you feel guilty. You worry about taking away from your future. Sometimes we have to live life in the present moment and enjoy it there and then, rather than waiting for your life to start, once everything is in place. Wear those lovely shoes you love with pride! Try not to judge yourself all the time.

 

 

So go and live, book that dream holiday and marvel at the beautiful surroundings and be in awe of where you are. Allow it to fill you up and just go breathe in the moment. Don’t let yourself be ruled by doubt, guilt or what the future may or may not bring.  Go and get that novel published rather than thinking it will never be good enough. Go and do what you are passionate about and don’t feel it’s too late. You are deserving of love. Don’t let anyone make you feel worthless and less than you are.

DT1

Happy Birthday, just be you.

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The ABC of me

The ABC of me

As a way if getting to know me a bit more, I’ve done an ABC of myself. Would love to see your ABC as well, so let me know!

A is for African. I was born and raised in South Africa. It is the most beautiful country and it will always have a huge part of my heart.

Tash12

B is for Books Since a very young age I have loved escaping into books. I think because I don’t have a brother or sister and also as I haven’t met the right man just yet, I can live vicariously in a way. In the books I can be a beloved sister. I can be loved so deeply by a lovely man. I can be anyone else but me. I can be the beautiful girl in the story.

C is for Celine Dion. Anyone who knows me will know how much I love her voice and music. She has been my favourite singer since I was little. I also love how family orientated she is and how devoted she is.

KATIE - 4/25/13 - Celine Dion invited Katie Couric into her recording studio for an exclusive conversation about her family, her husband?s cancer diagnosis, and her brand new music, airing on KATIE, distributed by Disney-ABC Domestic Television. (Photo by Ronda Churchill/Disney-ABC via Getty Images)  CELINE DION

D is for Determination. This is a huge part of who I am. I have a lot I wish to do and achieve in life and I go for it as best I can.

E is for Endeavor as no matter how many knocks I have to face, I just keep trying and somehow keep going.

F  is for family and friends who I love with all my heart. Their support, encouragement, love and advice have got me through some of the toughest moments. My life would be meaningless without them.

G is for Guilt My old friend guilt follows me around always waiting to pounce. I feel guilty about anything and everything. Also my guilty pleasures are Pretty little liars, reality shows like Real housewives of Beverley hills, Made in Chelsea

H is for Height which mine is  1.40m tall. I am a short arse 😉

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I is for Improvement. I always try to improve myself. I am striving to be more honest with how I am feeling and not be afraid to actually express what I really want or am feeling. I am also trying to be more assertive without losing my natural patience and helpfulness.

J is for jewellery of which I have a few pieces which have a lot of sentimental value to me given to me by my Mom, Gran, family and friends.

K is for Keepsakes I love keeping photos of special memories and also I love mementos from my travels. At theatre shows I always end up buying a souvenir from it.

L is for London which I am very fond of as it has given me so much. I moved there 4 years ago on my own, to try and make a better life for myself and to achieve some of my goals. It has made me self sufficient and I’ve had some amazing experiences since I’ve been here. I couldn’t be more grateful.

M is for Marian Keyes who is my favourite author and has been for years. Her books are incredible and she is a wonderfully talented writer. I always am so excited for her new books. I have had the good fortune recently of meeting her for the first time and she is truly one of the loveliest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

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N is for Numbers which is a big part of my daily working life as I work in accounts.

O is for Optimism and hope for the future have had a huge hand in helping me through the past few years as well as the love of my family. I have my low days but I do my best to try not lose complete faith that I will get to where I want to be. That someday i will become a mom as I have a lot of love to give.  I’m hopeful I might one day become a published writer and people will respond to what I have to say.

P is for pet peeves which are when people don’t use common courtesy. With my height I also am constantly being bumped by backpacks and people shoving past and knocking me. I know im short but im still here! I just wish people would be more aware.

Q is for quote- “When life gives you lemons the last thing I want to do is make lemonade. Sometimes a horrible experience is just that, a horrible experience. – Marian Keyes in a Sunday times column. This is so true!!

R is for Running- this is something I started about two years ago and have found it very therapeutic. I did my first ever marathon in Paris in April 2015 and am planning my next ones in Dublin, London and New York if possible.

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S is for Shoes I love shoes! I cant get enough of them. Hoping one day when im old enough I can afford my first ever designer pair 😉

Tash 16 Tash 17

T is for Turners syndrome which I was diagnosed with at birth. It definitely has had a part to play in shaping who I am today but it has never completely defined me. It hasn’t always been easy but I have come to terms with it. I cant have children so will have to look at adoption as a way to become a mom. Ive accepted this though and see it as i will be able to love a child as my own who needs it and hasn’t had it before 🙂

U is for Underwear which I don’t pay major attention to as I just tend to buy mismatching average underwear which does the job. I keep thinking whats the point as I have no one to dress for. Maybe it would be nice to have a sophisticated and pretty set to make me feel good.

V is for Vacation So far my travels have taken me to Ireland, Prague, New York, Las Vegas, Paris and Belgium. I still have quite a list of places I would love to see such as Italy, Greece, Spain, Norway, Switzerland and a few cities in America.

W is for Wish I have quite a few things that I wish for. Happiness and health for my family and friends. I truly wish there could be more tolerance and kindness in this world. I wish that when someone is tolerant and kind that it wasn’t taken as a weakness to be taken advantage of . I wish people didn’t take loved ones and genuine people who offer patience and kindness for granted.

X is for (Ex friends) I have had friends over the years and some of them have stayed and continue to hopefully and others have just cut contact without any reason I could understand. Each time though its chipped a little piece of me away. As time marches on you learn to let go.

Y is for Yes I am definitely the yes girl. No matter how inconvenient it may be for me I always try to help and never say no.

Z is for Zodiac sign of which mine is Gemini. I am torn in two a lot of times which is the emotional side of me and the practical side.

Hello

Hi there 🙂

I am a 31 year old South African girl trying to make her way in the world, having moved to London, UK.

I was diagnosed with Turners Syndrome when I was a baby and will be discussing that as well.

I’ve decided to give writing a blog a try and am hoping I will have some interesting things to say.

I will be talking about various things such as my travels, book reviews, films, beauty products, experiences in London and a lot more. I will also be putting my thoughts forward on all sorts of different topics

I truly hope I get some readers who I can get to know and interact with as we go along.

Tash 6