To Tash on your 33rd Birhday

To Tash on your 33rd birthday

 

So another year has gone by. Time seems to be racing away. I feel like I’ve barely blinked and I’m a year older. Edging ever closer to the big four-O! Age they say is just a number baby and I don’t plan on letting it stop me. It seems to be this time of year that I always berate myself for not being any further than I was the year before. I begin to feel like a failure. Perhaps I haven’t done everything I set out to do does that mean I’ve failed at life? 

 

Instead I’m going to reflect over the past year and the good things that have happened. 

 

Over the past year there have been some very special memories which I will always hold close to my heart. 

 

In February I got to see my gorgeous friend marry her wonderful hubby. The ceremony took place under the blue African skies, deep in the heart of bush. It was such a gorgeous lodge in South Africa, where the wedding took place. You know you are in the African Bush when you see zebra roaming around the lodge and in the early hours you could hear the roar of a lion in the distance. It was a truly incredible weekend, which I will never forget. It made my heart burst to see my friend find her happiness and to share in their special day. 

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While I was home I also got to see my beautiful friend and her group called MitzyGeorge launch their single called I am home. MitzyGeorge is a country girl group consisting of 3 extremely talented ladies. They are truly mesmerising on stage. Definitely check out their music. There is something so special and surreal about seeing one of your dearest friends performing on stage, doing what they are passionate about. Such a overwhelming sense of pride I felt. I got some quality time with my friend and her wonderful family too and I will always hold those memories dear. 

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Time also spent with my mom and family which was wonderful when I was home. I was able to give my dad a hug on his 70th birthday. I was so happy it worked out I could be there. We got to share at dance too at the Italian club. Some truly special times. 

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Another significant thing that has happened is that I’ve met a lovely man, with a very kind and gentle heart. He makes me feel beautiful and cherished. With him I can be completely myself. This is something I’ve never had before or felt I was really deserving of.

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Over the past few months there have been some wonderful moments we’ve shared. Including a first trip to the amazing city of Edinburgh and my first ever time at Roland Garros for the French open tennis. 

 

So I have a lot of things running through my head that I would like to achieve. In general I am quite a patient person but when it comes to things I want though, I want it all to happen right now.So for the year ahead I will try to give myself one big thing to try work towards. I will be a bit easier on myself and not have a list of 10 huge things to achieve within a year. Maybe that way it won’t be so overwhelming and I won’t set myself up for a fall so to speak.

 

Also I want to try not let the inner critic in me drown out every other voice. When I look at the person in the mirror staring back at me, I want to believe that they are worth something. I want to try be a better version of myself, and stay motivated. As they say you need to make your own magic. No one is going to write the book for me. I’m the author of my own story and I need to tell it. So for this year my goal is to finish or get a huge majority of that novel done. So go out and give it all you got! The only one stopping you is yourself. 

 

I know the world seems to be in despair at the moment with all that is going on. Watching the news these days is depressing. It’s so hard to keep positive and believe at times that it will get better. Being right near the area where the recent terrorist attack in London took place, it does shake your perspective up. It makes you realise what a precious gift life is. Every moment is a treasure and we need to make the most of it. Hug loved ones tighter and truly be grateful for them. I want to try not let these things crush my spirit or stop my love for life. Maybe my heart is naive in believing there is still goodness in the world but I can’t let the world change who I am. Our mind is a powerful thing. So I am going to try laugh more, worry less about the little things & stuff I can’t control(I mean worrying means you truly do suffer twice) and be less harsh on myself. I’m going make the most of times spent with loved ones. I won’t take them for granted. 

 

Here is to bring 33 and not letting go of those dreams. Here is to my 34th year ahead..

 

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I’m going to make lemonade if the months ahead decide to give me lemons. Cheesy I know but right now maybe a bit of cheese is just what’s needed. 🙂 

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To Tash on your 32nd Birthday

Dear Tash,

Today you have reached 32 years. I remember all your dreams from when you were younger. You envisioned by this age you would be living in your own house, you would be a loving mom and wife. You even would have a holiday home overlooking the sea. Yes a holiday home… I know that in reality this isn’t the case as yet but there are things that you have achieved.

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Perhaps it’s time to give yourself a little credit, for some of the things that you have done. With just a little bit of savings and nothing else but your suitcase you moved to a completely new country and have made it work for 5 years and counting. You earn a living and are able to put food on the table, have amazing experiences and travel. You completed your first ever marathon in beautiful Paris. You are working on your next one and still working towards the New York and London marathon

I know that you are plagued by self doubt on a daily basis, wondering if there is anything that you will ever be good at in life. Will you ever own your own home or get married. I know you don’t feel worthwhile at times as you don’t have a degree to your name or mortgage. You feel that you have nothing to show for your 32 years. There are frequent moments where you feel invisible and undeserving. The truth is you are worth something. I know you see people move forward in life and you wonder what is wrong with you. Just trust that you are on your own journey. You are not a failure at life that you sometimes feel like.

You have a family who you can laugh and share tears with. You love them with all your heart. You have friends who mean the world to you, who came into your life and to your surprise haven’t left it. I know sometimes with your naïveté you have taken people fully into your heart. Then they have just suddenly cut contact without any explanation and to this day you still don’t understand why. I know people’s attitudes can make you feel very sad at times but it still doesn’t stop you from being the giving and hopeful person you are. Never lose that positivity or let it squash your spirit. Other peoples opinions do not define who you are.

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I know if you buy yourself something you really want or you think about booking that dream holiday you feel guilty. You worry about taking away from your future. Sometimes we have to live life in the present moment and enjoy it there and then, rather than waiting for your life to start, once everything is in place. Wear those lovely shoes you love with pride! Try not to judge yourself all the time.

 

 

So go and live, book that dream holiday and marvel at the beautiful surroundings and be in awe of where you are. Allow it to fill you up and just go breathe in the moment. Don’t let yourself be ruled by doubt, guilt or what the future may or may not bring.  Go and get that novel published rather than thinking it will never be good enough. Go and do what you are passionate about and don’t feel it’s too late. You are deserving of love. Don’t let anyone make you feel worthless and less than you are.

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Happy Birthday, just be you.