This week has left my heart heavy


This week has made my heart very heavy. It started off with the shooting of a very talented singer Christina Gimme being shot as she was signing autographs at a gig in Orlando. She was only 22 years old. Then two days later a mass shooting at Pulse night club in Orlando, where at least 50 people were killed.

As if that wasn’t enough violence then football fans from Russia and England clashed. This overshadowing the Euro 2016 football tournament which is about standing behind your country and cheering for your team.  Where is the love of the game?

The awful and sad weeks events weren’t too end there as on Thursday English MP Jo Cox was shot and stabbed in broad daylight. She was 41 years old and a mother of 2. Their lives irrecoverably changed forever. She was just trying to do good for her community and fellow man. The 57 year old man allegedly saying he was fighting for freedom for Britain? What? How is their Mothers death going to be explained to their kids. She had been MP for less than a year. This violence just so uncessary. What a awful waste of innocent lives.

I just cannot comprehend where all this hatred comes from. I just don’t understand where the humanity has gone. To be honest I don’t enjoy always watching the news as it is extremely depressing. However when horrific events happen like this, there is no way of getting away from them.

Also back home the sentencing for Oscar Pistorious is going on. A tragic set of events for both families. Showing yet again the danger of guns and the damage they can cause.

However I believe deep down there is far more love in this world. When things like this happen it makes you realise how things can change in an instant. Life is a most precious gift and we need to make the most of every moment. Make sure the people in your life know how much you love them. Hold them a little closer and cherish that moment. The love in this world is much stronger than hate. I truly hope that the world can get to a peaceful place where a person is free to be who they are and love who they love, without any judgement or shame. Where religion or political views aren’t used as an excuse for hate or actions.

In weeks like this I appreciate my friends and family more than ever and am beyond grateful to have them in my life. It makes my sad heart much lighter knowing they are there. My heart bursts with love for them.

This quote by Nelson Mandela I believe is extremely appropriate:

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

In the face of these horrific events, I hope the people affected find comfort in support and love from people around them and that they are able to find healing in time. My thoughts and prayers are with all the loved ones of the victims. 




To Tash on your 32nd Birthday

Dear Tash,

Today you have reached 32 years. I remember all your dreams from when you were younger. You envisioned by this age you would be living in your own house, you would be a loving mom and wife. You even would have a holiday home overlooking the sea. Yes a holiday home… I know that in reality this isn’t the case as yet but there are things that you have achieved.


Perhaps it’s time to give yourself a little credit, for some of the things that you have done. With just a little bit of savings and nothing else but your suitcase you moved to a completely new country and have made it work for 5 years and counting. You earn a living and are able to put food on the table, have amazing experiences and travel. You completed your first ever marathon in beautiful Paris. You are working on your next one and still working towards the New York and London marathon

I know that you are plagued by self doubt on a daily basis, wondering if there is anything that you will ever be good at in life. Will you ever own your own home or get married. I know you don’t feel worthwhile at times as you don’t have a degree to your name or mortgage. You feel that you have nothing to show for your 32 years. There are frequent moments where you feel invisible and undeserving. The truth is you are worth something. I know you see people move forward in life and you wonder what is wrong with you. Just trust that you are on your own journey. You are not a failure at life that you sometimes feel like.

You have a family who you can laugh and share tears with. You love them with all your heart. You have friends who mean the world to you, who came into your life and to your surprise haven’t left it. I know sometimes with your naïveté you have taken people fully into your heart. Then they have just suddenly cut contact without any explanation and to this day you still don’t understand why. I know people’s attitudes can make you feel very sad at times but it still doesn’t stop you from being the giving and hopeful person you are. Never lose that positivity or let it squash your spirit. Other peoples opinions do not define who you are.


I know if you buy yourself something you really want or you think about booking that dream holiday you feel guilty. You worry about taking away from your future. Sometimes we have to live life in the present moment and enjoy it there and then, rather than waiting for your life to start, once everything is in place. Wear those lovely shoes you love with pride! Try not to judge yourself all the time.



So go and live, book that dream holiday and marvel at the beautiful surroundings and be in awe of where you are. Allow it to fill you up and just go breathe in the moment. Don’t let yourself be ruled by doubt, guilt or what the future may or may not bring.  Go and get that novel published rather than thinking it will never be good enough. Go and do what you are passionate about and don’t feel it’s too late. You are deserving of love. Don’t let anyone make you feel worthless and less than you are.


Happy Birthday, just be you.