So I recently turned 31 and I have to admit this year turning another year older did make me a bit sad. The reason being is I thought by this age I would have achieved so much more by now. Yet here I am still not quite close enough to where I want to be.
I don’t own a mortgage; I am not a mom yet. I am not even in a relationship yet alone engaged or married. I live in a house share in London and I don’t have a qualification behind my name.
I just always have had such big dreams and visions for my life. I desperately want to be a mom as I feel like I have a lot of love to give. I want to meet a lovely man to share my life with. I would love to have my very own house and to be a published writer. I’ve imagined lovely moments shared with my family, I’ve envisioned my very own book launch. None of it however has materialised yet.
I am naturally a very hopeful and positive person. I never lost faith that if I just keep at it and have patience it will happen. Never lose that determination. However recently it has been a struggle to keep my spirits afloat. Doubt, loneliness and sadness have clouded over my normal easy going and happy demeanour a bit. I see my friends moving in with their lovely partners, having children and getting engaged or married. Every time I am genuinely ecstatic and pleased for them, as all I want for them is happiness. However each time it chips away a little at me as it reminds me of my failures and how another year has gone by and still I’m far away from where I want to be. Each time it’s an adjustment for me, as I get used to seeing them or hearing from them less often. Life goes on and I have to accept that.
I think because I grew up as an only child, my friends became my family and I love and care about them so much. Part of it is that I don’t have my own family as yet and so my friends are still a big part of my life. I almost feel like I’m being left behind each time but each person has their own journey to travel on. I know it’s a natural progression in life and I just have to try, not letting it get me down too much.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for and I do try my best to remember that when I’m feeling this way. I decided to move to London on my own from South Africa 4 years ago in the hopes of making a better life for myself. London has given me a lot of incredible experiences. I have travelled to Prague, Paris, New York, Vegas and Belgium. London has made me self sufficient and that is something I truly am thankful for.
Does anyone else feel like this? Have you been struggling recently? Let me know in the comments. Also want to say a big thanks to anyone who is taking the time to read my blog posts. I hope they get better as they go along and I hope you find them helpful or interesting in some way.