31 years old and now what

So I recently turned 31 and I have to admit this year turning another year older did make me a bit sad. The reason being is I thought by this age I would have achieved so much more by now. Yet here I am still not quite close enough to where I want to be.

I don’t own a mortgage; I am not a mom yet. I am not even in a relationship yet alone engaged or married. I live in a house share in London and I don’t have a qualification behind my name.

I just always have had such big dreams and visions for my life. I desperately want to be a mom as I feel like I have a lot of love to give. I want to meet a lovely man to share my life with. I would love to have my very own house and to be a published writer. I’ve imagined lovely moments shared with my family, I’ve envisioned my very own book launch. None of it however has materialised yet.

I am naturally a very hopeful and positive person. I never lost faith that if I just keep at it and have patience it will happen. Never lose that determination. However recently it has been a struggle to keep my spirits afloat. Doubt, loneliness and sadness have clouded over my normal easy going and happy demeanour a bit. I see my friends moving in with their lovely partners, having children and getting engaged or married. Every time I am genuinely ecstatic and pleased for them, as all I want for them is happiness. However each time it chips away a little at me as it reminds me of my failures and how another year has gone by and still I’m far away from where I want to be. Each time it’s an adjustment for me, as I get used to seeing them or hearing from them less often. Life goes on and I have to accept that.

I think because I grew up as an only child, my friends became my family and I love and care about them so much.  Part of it is that I don’t have my own family as yet and so my friends are still a big part of my life. I almost feel like I’m being left behind each time but each person has their own journey to travel on. I know it’s a natural progression in life and I just have to try, not letting it get me down too much.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for and I do try my best to remember that when I’m feeling this way. I decided to move to London on my own from South Africa 4 years ago in the hopes of making a better life for myself. London has given me a lot of incredible experiences. I have travelled to Prague, Paris, New York, Vegas and Belgium. London has made me self sufficient and that is something I truly am thankful for.

Does anyone else feel like this? Have you been struggling recently? Let me know in the comments. Also want to say a big thanks to anyone who is taking the time to read my blog posts. I hope they get better as they go along and I hope you find them helpful or interesting in some way.

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My day with Marian…

So I’ve mentioned in previous post about myself how much I love Marian Keyes, the international best-selling author. Recently I was so fortunate to meet her for the first time after all these years. I thought I would tell you all about it as it was one of the most wonderful experiences.

Marian’s books have been part of my life for years. I absolutely adore her and her incredible books. They have gotten me through many a tough time. They have been such a wonderful escape for me. Her books have made me laugh, cry and just so happy. There is such a special gentleness, warmth and of course her wonderful humour that Marian brings to her characters and stories. It is about real woman facing intensely hard circumstances but yet she tells them in such a fantastic way.

Marian has a new book out called the woman who stole my life, which is a brilliant read! If you haven’t read it already, I really recommend it! You will not be disappointed!

So back to the story now! I found out about a literary festival happening at Althorp house, which is Princess Diana’s ancestral home, and that Marian would be doing an event there. It is about an hour train from London and then a cab ride. I immediately was so excited and thought this is my opportunity. It didn’t matter to me about the tube and train Journey. I knew it would be worth it to make the trip. I was lucky enough to get a ticket and then it was real that this would finally be my chance.

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So on the 11th of  June  at 6.30 am I went on an adventure! I got to Northampton station. I jumped into a cab and was on my way, excitement bubbling in my tummy the whole way. The driver gave me some lovely history about the estate and Diana, as we drove along and I enjoyed the scenery. We pulled up to the gates and I exclaimed breathlessly, I was there to see Marian. The lady asked if I worked with Marian. Grudgingly I admitted I do not work with Marian but am here for her event. I wish I worked with Marian haha. The driver took me to the other entrance and then I was there. It is such a beautiful place! I walked around and then made my way to the state dining room for the event.

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After a few minutes Marian entered with the lovely Suzi, who would be interviewing her. It was amazing and the whole audience laughed throughout the interview.  Marian then did a reading from her new book which was so funny! It was one of the funniest parts in the book as well and to hear Marian reading it, made it even more amazing! Then it was time for the audience to ask questions and Marian answered each question with wit, charm, honesty and of course humour!  I did have a good question in mind to ask but wasn’t brave enough unfortunately. Maybe next time.

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Then it was the book signing and I was overwhelmed with excitement and the reality that I would be meeting someone who I have so much respect and love for. I tried to squash the nerves and then I was next in line. I got to give her a hug and to have a little quick chat. I also got my book signed. I didn’t want to take up to much of her time, as I knew other people were waiting their turn. I went outside and had to sit down as the emotion came over me, that after all these years I had met one of my heroes, there isn’t any other word for it. I had to phone my mom back home in South Africa right away to tell her about the whole experience and how special it had been.

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Not only is Marian, one of the most talented and gifted writers but is inspiring as well, in her honesty about life’s ups and downs.

I found it truly remarkable how much Marian has been through in life but yet still manages to make us all laugh. Marian gives me comfort in the fact that you are allowed to have your sad and lonely days. You will have those days where everything makes you sad and you feel depressed and that’s ok. Not every horrible experience can be a lesson and turned into something positive. Sometimes you just can’t be bubbly and happy.

Marian is one of the loveliest, engaging and approachable people I’ve been lucky enough to meet. I don’t have enough adjectives to explain how special Marian is.  I have even more love for her after meeting her in person if that’s even possible. Marian also has twitter and is hilarious. Her tweets really make me smile and laugh so hard! I know people might say oh you just have adoration for her but that’s not the case. I feel a genuine friendship love for this incredible lady and will always be supportive of her.Colleagues at work often eye me suspiciously when I’m chuckling away at my phone. They are like what’s Marian gone and said now. No one makes me laugh like Marian except maybe my parents and my one friend Kate who has such a brilliant sense of humour.

I really could go on and on but will stop now. It was truly one of the most memorable days and I will cherish it forever.

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